How did I get here? Pt. 2

October 5, 2007
Today's Weight: 285 lbs.

Well it looks like my scale has redeemed itself! I guess the threat of sending it to sleep with the fishes worked! Funny thing though...I can step on it 3 times in a row and it will give me 3 separate weights. Sometimes drastically different too. Like it's playing with me and I'm a contestant on some insanely cruel, yet funny weight loss show. I usually take the weight in the middle or the highest one. Call it the realist in me. No need to believe the lowest number and then set my self up for disappointment tomorrow, right? So I figure if I go with the higher number maybe I can have a loss tomorrow too. At any rate, I've lost about 5 pounds in the last few days. Though it may all be water weight, it still feels wonderful to see the scale going DOWN instead of up.

Well back to my story for those of you who care. When I left off the other day, I was talking about my weight history and how obesity has been a demon I have struggled with for almost my entire life.

After high school graduation, I went off to college to study education and become a teacher. Like I said before, I was probably a size 16 or so after high school, but that soon changed after I went to college. I decided to live in the dorms my first year, even though my parents lived only 5 miles away. I know, funny huh? But I got a great experience living on campus. First of all, the mess hall was FABULOUS. I got up every morning and just had a huge breakfast before class: eggs, bacon, sausages, potatoes....you get the idea. That combined with the pizzas, fast food and sedentary study life really caused me to pack on the pounds. Before I knew it, I was a size 18....and then a 20. Definitely a disappointment.

My next turn around came right around my sophmore year of college. I got over the whole novelty of living on campus and moved back home to save cash. Mooching off your parents is much easier when you live at home! Around that time, my mom encouraged me to join her at Weight Watchers. I was ready to take control of my weight again, so I did. Let me tell you, Weight Watchers is HARD! My personal kudos to anyone who can stay on it and succeed. I've since tried it again post-children and I just could NOT do it. I was starving most of the time I was on WW. I'm a carb addict and the tiny amount of carbs WW allows just sabotage me, because I eat them and then get insane cravings for more. Now back then it was before they started doing the points thing. You had to measure all your food and then check off boxes for each serving you ate. After all your boxes were checked, you better hope you weren't hungry anymore because you were DONE. I think I had about 7-8 boxes for breads. Oh how I treasured those sweet little squares on my chart. I'm still amazed I managed to lose about 60 pounds. I was VERY determined. By the time I quit WW, I was a size 12 and I felt just insanely beautiful. I mean, even then I wasn't at my goal weight, but it didn't matter so much that I wasn't a size 6 again. I was content and happy with my success and I felt great.

It was right around this time that I met my ex-husband. I know...yikes. If I'd only known then what I know now. You know, it pisses me off that once you lose weight, you get far more attention from men. It happend in high school, and it happen this time too. Once you lose weight, men who previously barely gave you a glance are now suddenly VERY interested. Losting weight truly does tell you who loves you for you, and who just loves your ass. Which makes me love my dh even more, because I'm 90 pounds fatter now than when I met him (and trust me....I wasn't all that skinny then either!). Yet he says he still loves me and finds me attractive. Well that's what he says anyway. Hmph.