March 9, 2008
Well the scale says 249.8 today. So a tiny loss but until I get back to 246 and stay there, I won't really believe I'm past the stall. I'm not really sure what I'm doing wrong. I'm working out almost every day. Yesterday I did my Fitday and I had 2200 calories and 42 total carbs. This is normal for me. I've eaten more and still lost weight before. I don't want to have to cut my calories down really low to lose, because I don't want to slow my metabolism. Right now I eat when I'm hungry and don't eat when I'm not. I want to keep it that way. The last time I tried to reduce my calories, I obsessed about food and felt hungry ALL DAY! I've also gone down as low as induction level carbs and it doesn't help. I don't know what to do. I'm doing 67% fat which is perfect for EFGT. I really don't want to lower my fat. I've never had a problem losing on 67% fat either. So I dunno. I'm not sure if I should just keep plugging along as I have or make drastic changes. Maybe I will go get some CO today and go back to doing 3-4T of CO and see if that helps. I have some Nutiva, but I don't like the coconut flavor in my tea! So I need to get some Spectrum. One thought I have is that my body likes the weight 250 and maybe it wants to stay there a while. I haven't weighed less than 250 since 2003. The last time I got close (259) I got pregnant again and went back up! I don't know...maybe I will try cycling. I remember I had a good loss in Dec when I had a couple of cheat meals here and there. I don't want to cheat but maybe if I plan out my carbs so that they cycle, maybe it will help?
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Troubling Thoughts
Written March 5, 2008
Here it is 1 am and I can't sleep. Ever since Steve left I'm back to having sleeping troubles. Tonight I'm wide awake and I'm upset because I found my digital camera that was missing. It has been missing for several days. Yet tonight I opened up a drawer in the kitchen and found it in one of the places that I know I looked at least 4-5 times this week and I could have sworn it wasn't in there. So I'm either completely losing my mind, or my sweet little 3 year old took it and lied to me about not knowing where it was. And then put it back in the drawer where I could find it. Because I SWEAR that thing was not in there the last time I checked. Or maybe it was and I'm just going crazy. I really don't know. You would think finding my camera would make me happy. Sadly, it just caused more questions about my own sanity and my child's capacity for lying. In the meantime, the dvd remote is missing. Please shoot me now!
Last night I couldn't sleep because my heart was racing and I couldn't get it to slow down. I felt like I was on the verge of a full blown panic attack. Thankfully it didn't happen and I was eventually able to sleep.The night before I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking...what would happen to my poor kids if I died in my sleep...what would they do? There is no one else to take care of them, and since I don't know many people here, who would even know they needed help? Yes, I know this fear is competely irrational because I'm a healthy 34 year old who is not likely to die at any moment. But unfortunately my fears don't listen to reason sometimes.I would take a sleeping pill in the evening, but I'm afraid to do that when I'm home alone with my kids. What if Jake woke up sick at 3 am and I was too knocked out to wake up and help him? What if he woke up in the morning and he couldn't get me to wake up? I know this isn't likely either...even when I take a sleeping pill, I still wake up int he middle of the night to use the restroom. So it's not likely that one single Nytol is going to cause problems. But that doesn't stop me from worrying about it.
I talked to Steve today. He called and he is safe. I am thankful for that. I just wish I could get MY act together. I want to cry.
Here it is 1 am and I can't sleep. Ever since Steve left I'm back to having sleeping troubles. Tonight I'm wide awake and I'm upset because I found my digital camera that was missing. It has been missing for several days. Yet tonight I opened up a drawer in the kitchen and found it in one of the places that I know I looked at least 4-5 times this week and I could have sworn it wasn't in there. So I'm either completely losing my mind, or my sweet little 3 year old took it and lied to me about not knowing where it was. And then put it back in the drawer where I could find it. Because I SWEAR that thing was not in there the last time I checked. Or maybe it was and I'm just going crazy. I really don't know. You would think finding my camera would make me happy. Sadly, it just caused more questions about my own sanity and my child's capacity for lying. In the meantime, the dvd remote is missing. Please shoot me now!
Last night I couldn't sleep because my heart was racing and I couldn't get it to slow down. I felt like I was on the verge of a full blown panic attack. Thankfully it didn't happen and I was eventually able to sleep.The night before I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking...what would happen to my poor kids if I died in my sleep...what would they do? There is no one else to take care of them, and since I don't know many people here, who would even know they needed help? Yes, I know this fear is competely irrational because I'm a healthy 34 year old who is not likely to die at any moment. But unfortunately my fears don't listen to reason sometimes.I would take a sleeping pill in the evening, but I'm afraid to do that when I'm home alone with my kids. What if Jake woke up sick at 3 am and I was too knocked out to wake up and help him? What if he woke up in the morning and he couldn't get me to wake up? I know this isn't likely either...even when I take a sleeping pill, I still wake up int he middle of the night to use the restroom. So it's not likely that one single Nytol is going to cause problems. But that doesn't stop me from worrying about it.
I talked to Steve today. He called and he is safe. I am thankful for that. I just wish I could get MY act together. I want to cry.
Workout Queen
Written March 5, 2008
I'm proud of myself today! I worked out 2 times!! I did 50 minutes on the elliptical this afternoon while Xander napped. After he woke up, we went to Target and I got some 3 lb hand weights to do with aerobics. So after the kids went to bed I did a 30 minute workout with the hand weights from the Biggest Loser power sculpt DVD. I feel soooooo good right now! AND I didn't cheat today! AND TOM started so hopefully tomorrow or the next day I'll have a nice whoosh!! Let's hope!
I'm proud of myself today! I worked out 2 times!! I did 50 minutes on the elliptical this afternoon while Xander napped. After he woke up, we went to Target and I got some 3 lb hand weights to do with aerobics. So after the kids went to bed I did a 30 minute workout with the hand weights from the Biggest Loser power sculpt DVD. I feel soooooo good right now! AND I didn't cheat today! AND TOM started so hopefully tomorrow or the next day I'll have a nice whoosh!! Let's hope!
Deployment Day
Written February 25, 2008
Well, my dh left today. We took him to the pax terminal at 9:30 this morning and spent a couple of hours with him while he waited to board his plane. They all got a nice pep talk from the wing commander. We left him around 11:30 when he had to go. He will be gone at least 4 months. He's got about a 14 hour flight ahead of him today just for the first part of his trip. Fun. I hope we will be okay while he is gone. I'm used to having him gone 1-2 weeks at a time. 4 months will be a long time. I've already messed up my day today, too. I had a bunch of french fries and 3 cinnamon strusel snack cakes! GRR...after cheating last night, too. I NEED to get back on the wagon though. I don't want to go back up over 250. I want to get down to 200 by the time my dh gets home. I'm not sure if I can do it BUT it might be possible if I work really hard and stop going off plan.
Well, my dh left today. We took him to the pax terminal at 9:30 this morning and spent a couple of hours with him while he waited to board his plane. They all got a nice pep talk from the wing commander. We left him around 11:30 when he had to go. He will be gone at least 4 months. He's got about a 14 hour flight ahead of him today just for the first part of his trip. Fun. I hope we will be okay while he is gone. I'm used to having him gone 1-2 weeks at a time. 4 months will be a long time. I've already messed up my day today, too. I had a bunch of french fries and 3 cinnamon strusel snack cakes! GRR...after cheating last night, too. I NEED to get back on the wagon though. I don't want to go back up over 250. I want to get down to 200 by the time my dh gets home. I'm not sure if I can do it BUT it might be possible if I work really hard and stop going off plan.
Today was a good day
Written February 22, 2008
Today was a good day. My dh had the day off since he's leaving next week. We went out to lunch and then we went to the mall. I wasn't planning on buying anything but I found something to buy of course! I got a tank and shirt at Old Navy for $10! I'm excited I found something at ON I can wear. I also went to Victoria's and got some new underwear! I can actually wear their underwear now!! (my dh had fun with that!). They don't have bras that fit me yet, but maybe soon. Then I went to JCPenney and bought a couple of cute nightgowns.
I stayed on plan today for the most part, but I did eat a hamburger bun and my calories were kind of high. My EFGT ratios were perfect though...67% fat, 15% carb, 18% protein! I hope I do okay on the scale tomorrow. I worked out for 45 minutes tonight!!
My menu:
B: 2 mugs chai tea with half and half, 2 egg omelette with 1 oz onions, 2 oz tomato, and 1 oz cheese, 5 strips of bacon
S: 2 oz almonds
L: hamburger WITH bun
S: 3 oz mixed nuts
D: sausage stir fry (4.5 oz hot italian sausage, 1/8 c tomato sauce, 4.5 oz yellow squash, 3 oz onions, 2.5 oz bell pepper)
s: chai tea with half and half
I ate like 2600 calories today!!!! But my calorie expenditure was 3400 so I still have a deficit.
Today was a good day. My dh had the day off since he's leaving next week. We went out to lunch and then we went to the mall. I wasn't planning on buying anything but I found something to buy of course! I got a tank and shirt at Old Navy for $10! I'm excited I found something at ON I can wear. I also went to Victoria's and got some new underwear! I can actually wear their underwear now!! (my dh had fun with that!). They don't have bras that fit me yet, but maybe soon. Then I went to JCPenney and bought a couple of cute nightgowns.
I stayed on plan today for the most part, but I did eat a hamburger bun and my calories were kind of high. My EFGT ratios were perfect though...67% fat, 15% carb, 18% protein! I hope I do okay on the scale tomorrow. I worked out for 45 minutes tonight!!
My menu:
B: 2 mugs chai tea with half and half, 2 egg omelette with 1 oz onions, 2 oz tomato, and 1 oz cheese, 5 strips of bacon
S: 2 oz almonds
L: hamburger WITH bun
S: 3 oz mixed nuts
D: sausage stir fry (4.5 oz hot italian sausage, 1/8 c tomato sauce, 4.5 oz yellow squash, 3 oz onions, 2.5 oz bell pepper)
s: chai tea with half and half
I ate like 2600 calories today!!!! But my calorie expenditure was 3400 so I still have a deficit.
In a funk
Written Feb 19, 2008
DH is leaving in a week. And I shouldn't say how long he will be gone but it will be more than a couple of months, but less than 6 months. And I can't say where he is going, but he will be in hostile areas occasionally.
I'm in a funk right now. I've been having trouble sleeping for a few weeks now. I'm a night owl so I have a hard time going to bed early. I've been trying to go to sleep by midnight but I toss and turn. Last night I tossed and turned until 3 am. So I got up and played on the computer until 3:30 when I could finally go to sleep. The problem is my kids get up around 8-8:30 and I'm basically comatose then and I can barely function. I feel like a horrible mother because I sit on the couch and rest and doze off while they play and watch cartoons. This happens almost every day. I want to get up in the morning, make breakfast, clean my house, take care of my to do list and do fun stuff with my kids. But I don't have the energy because my sleep schedule is all messed up. And it's gotten me pretty depressed. I think I'm going to get some Unisom and take it at 10 tonight and see if I can get a decent night's sleep. Maybe a couple of good nights sleep and I can get a new routine going.
Another thing that has me down is I'm not losing weight. I started Feb at 252 lbs and I stepped on the scale this morning and it was 253. I'm staying on plan and not cheating. I'm making good choices. The weight just isn't coming off. I'm hoping and this point that if I keep at it, my body will catch up at some point and maybe I'll lose a bunch in one week with a few whooshes. Right now that's the only hope I have. I haven't given up enough to quit my WOE, because I know that's not the answer. I just wish the scale would move more. Another thing that has me down is that I'm not getting my workouts in. I came up with the great idea of working out 1000 minutes this month, but here I sit at 45 minutes still. I want to get on the elliptical everyday and reach my goal, but I don't have the energy! By the time I finally wake up after not sleeping all night, I have too much to do. And with 2 kids and a dh to take care of, I don't get much time for me. And that is only going to get worse in a week when dh leaves.
DH is leaving in a week. And I shouldn't say how long he will be gone but it will be more than a couple of months, but less than 6 months. And I can't say where he is going, but he will be in hostile areas occasionally.
I'm in a funk right now. I've been having trouble sleeping for a few weeks now. I'm a night owl so I have a hard time going to bed early. I've been trying to go to sleep by midnight but I toss and turn. Last night I tossed and turned until 3 am. So I got up and played on the computer until 3:30 when I could finally go to sleep. The problem is my kids get up around 8-8:30 and I'm basically comatose then and I can barely function. I feel like a horrible mother because I sit on the couch and rest and doze off while they play and watch cartoons. This happens almost every day. I want to get up in the morning, make breakfast, clean my house, take care of my to do list and do fun stuff with my kids. But I don't have the energy because my sleep schedule is all messed up. And it's gotten me pretty depressed. I think I'm going to get some Unisom and take it at 10 tonight and see if I can get a decent night's sleep. Maybe a couple of good nights sleep and I can get a new routine going.
Another thing that has me down is I'm not losing weight. I started Feb at 252 lbs and I stepped on the scale this morning and it was 253. I'm staying on plan and not cheating. I'm making good choices. The weight just isn't coming off. I'm hoping and this point that if I keep at it, my body will catch up at some point and maybe I'll lose a bunch in one week with a few whooshes. Right now that's the only hope I have. I haven't given up enough to quit my WOE, because I know that's not the answer. I just wish the scale would move more. Another thing that has me down is that I'm not getting my workouts in. I came up with the great idea of working out 1000 minutes this month, but here I sit at 45 minutes still. I want to get on the elliptical everyday and reach my goal, but I don't have the energy! By the time I finally wake up after not sleeping all night, I have too much to do. And with 2 kids and a dh to take care of, I don't get much time for me. And that is only going to get worse in a week when dh leaves.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Step away from the M and Ms lady!
Today's Weight: 251.6
UGH. I completely lost control last night. It started with a bite of pretzel at Target. Then it progressed to 2 ounces of corn at dinner...I thought to myself...gee I know I shouldn't eat corn, but I can handle a few extra carbs today, right?
Next thing I knew, I was reaching my hand into the giant Costco sized bag of M and Ms that my husband owns. Not once. Or twice or even three times. We're talking 5-6 BIG handfuls. I feel sick just thinking about it. Not just because of the sugar overload, but because I lost control and messed myself up. BIG time.
But I'm going back on plan today. I had about 200 carbs yesterday, I figure. Give or take a handful. Today I will keep my carbs super low and I will cross my fingers that the M and Ms won't decided to linger a few more days as unwanted houseguests on my ass.
This morning I got up and asked my dh..."You DID hide the M and Ms, right???" To which he replied, "What M and Ms???"
Right. That's why I love him.
UGH. I completely lost control last night. It started with a bite of pretzel at Target. Then it progressed to 2 ounces of corn at dinner...I thought to myself...gee I know I shouldn't eat corn, but I can handle a few extra carbs today, right?
Next thing I knew, I was reaching my hand into the giant Costco sized bag of M and Ms that my husband owns. Not once. Or twice or even three times. We're talking 5-6 BIG handfuls. I feel sick just thinking about it. Not just because of the sugar overload, but because I lost control and messed myself up. BIG time.
But I'm going back on plan today. I had about 200 carbs yesterday, I figure. Give or take a handful. Today I will keep my carbs super low and I will cross my fingers that the M and Ms won't decided to linger a few more days as unwanted houseguests on my ass.
This morning I got up and asked my dh..."You DID hide the M and Ms, right???" To which he replied, "What M and Ms???"
Right. That's why I love him.
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