In a funk

Written Feb 19, 2008

DH is leaving in a week. And I shouldn't say how long he will be gone but it will be more than a couple of months, but less than 6 months. And I can't say where he is going, but he will be in hostile areas occasionally.

I'm in a funk right now. I've been having trouble sleeping for a few weeks now. I'm a night owl so I have a hard time going to bed early. I've been trying to go to sleep by midnight but I toss and turn. Last night I tossed and turned until 3 am. So I got up and played on the computer until 3:30 when I could finally go to sleep. The problem is my kids get up around 8-8:30 and I'm basically comatose then and I can barely function. I feel like a horrible mother because I sit on the couch and rest and doze off while they play and watch cartoons. This happens almost every day. I want to get up in the morning, make breakfast, clean my house, take care of my to do list and do fun stuff with my kids. But I don't have the energy because my sleep schedule is all messed up. And it's gotten me pretty depressed. I think I'm going to get some Unisom and take it at 10 tonight and see if I can get a decent night's sleep. Maybe a couple of good nights sleep and I can get a new routine going.

Another thing that has me down is I'm not losing weight. I started Feb at 252 lbs and I stepped on the scale this morning and it was 253. I'm staying on plan and not cheating. I'm making good choices. The weight just isn't coming off. I'm hoping and this point that if I keep at it, my body will catch up at some point and maybe I'll lose a bunch in one week with a few whooshes. Right now that's the only hope I have. I haven't given up enough to quit my WOE, because I know that's not the answer. I just wish the scale would move more. Another thing that has me down is that I'm not getting my workouts in. I came up with the great idea of working out 1000 minutes this month, but here I sit at 45 minutes still. I want to get on the elliptical everyday and reach my goal, but I don't have the energy! By the time I finally wake up after not sleeping all night, I have too much to do. And with 2 kids and a dh to take care of, I don't get much time for me. And that is only going to get worse in a week when dh leaves.